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by wuwu



Category: Devilman (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Fights, M/M, Time Loop, ill add more tags if i can think of any
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-03 22:24:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19473433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wuwu/pseuds/wuwu
Summary: He’s making a face like he’s going to cry, and Ryo wonders who his tears would be for.The moments Ryo is forced to relive.





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**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this last year for the ryokira zine: from here to eternity !! yay

Ryo is perfectly aware of the limbo God has placed him in. He’s aware of the punishment that He deemed worthy, but Ryo can’t help but view it as more of a penance for his deeds. There’s comfort in this repetition that follows him around, preying silently for that final moment to make itself known so Ryo can grin and think _yes, this is what I live for_. To be born anew and fated for the same demise seems excruciating, but that’s a given when those lives don’t involve Fudo Akira. No, Akira makes these lives worth riding out. He’s the one constant that Ryo can rely on.

Akira doesn’t seem to share the same sentiments.

“Why are you doing this, Ryo? Humans have done nothing to you! Why do you have to be so cruel?” Tributary tears float around the two in a cocoon of rotten intimacy and Ryo wonders how much longer this fight will drag on.

“You don’t understand, Akira,” he condescends. “I’m doing this for you. I’m doing this for _us_.” Akira dashes toward him, hand poised to strike. Ryo darts away, wings carrying him up as he twirls knowingly. “Humanity was doomed to fall long before I had anything to do with it.”

“Enough, Ryo, _enough!_ ” He speeds toward Ryo once more, eyes anguished as he advances. Before he can make a move, Akira falters, and Ryo counts on that one moment of apprehension every loop. He takes initiative, ending his better half in a final blow that leaves him with listless eyes and a torso torn to shreds.

The next time Ryo comes to, he’s back on that hilltop with Akira, box cutter in his pocket as the boy cries over a dying kitten. Akira cradles it in his arms, gingerly patting down matted fur as his tears soak through matted fur. It’s a pitiful sight. Ryo loves it.

Years elapse quickly while Ryo works through the motions of his everyday life. There are times when he experiences vivid moments of deja vu, its meaning lost to him in the moment. Ryo only realizes the impact of those ingrained instances once awakening as Satan, filled with the knowledge of the centuries he’s spent cycling through his lifetime. He’d always bare a grin at God for making his final moments the worst, for anything less from Him would seen as merciful. 

In place of despair, Ryo finds mercy in the loops in which Akira has taken a liking to him. These are the years truly cherishes.

“ _Ryo-chan_ ,” Akira teases, tongue sticking out playfully. He always manages to break the monotony of these damned loops. “How much longer are you gonna be working on that?” He sits upside down on Ryo’s couch, feet kicking as he makes grabby hands at the cushions. Ryo hands him a throw pillow if only to sedate him.

“You didn’t have to come over today,” he answers smoothly. “I told you I would be busy.” He doesn’t reprimand. Never with Akira.

“Yeah, but I wanted to see you anyway,” Akira states. He raises himself with ease and sits cross legged, hugging the pillow as he stares at Ryo.

“Take a picture, why don’t you,” Ryo smiles. He closes his laptop, deciding that he could most certainly finish his work if he pulled an allnighter. He turns and pulls his legs up to mimic his boyfriend. “Is this better?”

In lieu of a response, Akira casts the pillow aside and crawls over Ryo, pushing him down until his neck is arched uncomfortably against the arm of the couch. There’s unadulterated affection in Akira’s eyes that keeps Ryo from voicing any protests. Two arms constrict him and a warm breath puffs steadily against his neck as Akira lies on top of him, legs intertwined. Ryo wonders how long Akira would stay with him like this, because he knows he would stay forever.

All good things come to an end, though, and all too fast does Ryo find himself lost in the motions of trying to outwit Akira following the collapse of civilization.

The next loop goes by smoothly. Ryo relishes in the attention Akira bathes him in, overwhelmed with the sincerity and devotion given. Their showdown only hurts that much more.Those loops are always the bittersweet ones, tainted with an end that leaves him emptier and emptier as the millennia pass him by. Though, he doesn’t focus on the tragedy, rather he succumbs to the depravity that comes with his self-proclaimed penance.

Ryo wonders if this is how blissful the rest of his eternity will be. Of course, there will always be their inevitable end, with Ryo coming out as a lonesome victor, but those short years of turmoil are almost nothing compared to the constant near two decades of guaranteed love. It’s almost as though He hadn’t put much thought into this punishment.

Well, he would have held that train of thought if not for the next loop. Akira, his precious, lovely, Akira just had to show up at the most _inopportune_ time. They’d been arguing over the course of recent events—Akira caring far too much for humans and demons alike, and Ryo simply entertained with the secured outcome of humanity’s demise. Really, it’s just common sense.

Akira brings his phone up, holding it out so Ryo can read the tweet he has selected. His shoulders rise and fall steadily, though his breathing is laced with frustration.

“You say that this _war_ is _divine judgement_ , right? That it’ll dictate whether humans go extinct or not?” He scoffs at the curt nod Ryo gives him, clearly annoyed. “You’re wrong, Ryo. You’re just using this as an out when humanity wins and overcomes the demons. You want to undermine us humans, and claim our victory as an act of mercy.” He sneers, challenging him.

The television clicks on, signaling a news broadcast. Ryo’s eyes flick over to the screen, but he’s drawn back to Akira once more, features sharp as he bites back.

“You’re not human, Akira.”

_“Look at this. It’s an image taken from the satellite track.”_

“My heart is human,” he retorts. “That’s all that matters.” He grins triumphantly when Ryo’s eyes widen in surprise, but all self-satisfaction fades from his mind as Ryo falls to the floor, mouth quivering and ready for a scream that doesn’t come quite yet.

_“The light’s diameter is more than 10,000 kilometers and at present…”_

He quickly runs over, fingers trembling as he watches Ryo writhe on the floor, head in his hands as his gaze focuses just behind Akira. The boy turns around to watch the broadcast, and his eyes squeeze shut as he burns the image of a large, white sphere from his mind. It feels holy, much too holy for him to cope with, and he can’t help but collapse to the floor as well. His insides feel like they’re melting, like they’re going to rush up and out of his mouth, and Akira wonders if this is how he’s going to go out before he even has a chance to save the world from Satan’s army.

“Satan…?” he grits out through clenched teeth. “You… Ryo, you’re…” He feels ready to pass out, but he uses all of his energy to turn to face Ryo. “You’re Satan.”

With an excruciating scream, Ryo hauls himself up on all fours. There’s sweat dripping down his face, and he wonders what went wrong. What led up to this? This wasn’t part of the plan. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Akira wasn’t supposed to find out so soon, he wasn’t supposed to realize what was going on. Ryo doesn’t know what to do. Rather than fight back against the divinity rushing through his veins, he allows it to overwhelm him, welcoming the wave of power that runs through his nerves. He stands as his transformation finishes, eerily calm.

“You can still join me, Akira, before it’s too late.” He holds his hand out and smiles, waiting expectantly. Maybe he can use this in his favor. “We can be together forever.”

“You really believe that, huh?” Fists clenched, Akira raises his head as his clothes tear apart, forced to shreds by the wings that pop out. “As smart as you are, you really can be stupid.”

“Don’t be foolish,” Ryo huffs. “Together, we can defeat God and reclaim this world for the demons, like it was meant to be. Mankind’s extinction is inevitable, but ours doesn’t have to be.” He flicks his hand toward Akira once more. “We could be unstoppable.”

It happens all too quickly. Akira rises from the ground, feet planted on the remnants of an apartment floor as his Devilman form takes over. Shoulders hunched, legs crouched, and mouth snarled—Akira is the dictionary definition of furious. Ryo grins.

“I will _never_ side with demons,” he spits out. His leg kicks out to get Ryo careening to the floor, but Ryo jumps up with a swift movement, breaking the roof of his penthouse and sending large blocks of concrete raining down. Akira uses his wings to shield his head, but now Ryo has a height advantage on him and he doesn’t really know what to do.

Does he go after Ryo and kill him now? Of course he should. He needs to. It’s always come down to this. Does he want to? Absolutely not. So much has been stolen from him already—so much has been thrust upon him—and Akira doesn’t want to make a decision.

He has to. Everything rests on his shoulders. He _will_.

“You don’t want to make me your enemy,” Ryo points out. _Please, don’t be my enemy._

Akira follows him into the sky, the two of them swirling circles around one another. The sound of perishing demons rings throughout the city, broken cries and wails of misery wafting through the air like white noise. Akira dives at Ryo, clenching his throat, and Ryo retaliates by sending crescent moons of divinity out, cutting into Akira’s skin and luring out fluorescent orange in their wake. Akira grits his teeth and backs off. There’s a moment of recovery before Ryo is speeding toward him, wings bared back as he points his hands toward him to release a heavenly beam. Akira narrowly avoids it and kicks his feet back to propel him forward, claws out and ready.

Ryo can only gasp as his skin is broken open and he’s left to bleed out atop the world. They’ve ascended above the city line, lost in the mesosphere and flirting dangerously close with incoming meteors. His wounds trail behind him as he shoots upward, soaring higher and higher as he aims to break through to the thermosphere so that he can see chaos reign across the entirety of the planet.

“I’ll never forgive you for this, Ryo.” Akira swipes at him, growling when the angel darts out of the way. “No matter what happens here on out, I’ll never forgive you! I may not know it the next time we start over, but you will. And I want you to remember this!” Akira raises his arm and pulls Ryo by his ankle, swinging him down and releasing him to spin out. Ryo flails for a few seconds, and in that time Akira lands even more scratches on his body. Fluorescence continues to spill, and Ryo has to play defense so he can escape and recover.

“Akira, enough!” He wants to curse. He wants to cry. He wants to finish this fight already.

“We can reincarnate or whatever the hell, and I’ll _never_ forgive you,” Akira chokes out. “You’re awful. You’re doing the same thing He did all those years ago, Ryo, yet you still haven’t learned.” He’s making a face like he’s going to cry, and Ryo wonders who his tears would be for. Not for him, certainly. Maybe for Miki, maybe for his parents. Probably for all of humanity.

There’s an emptiness in his chest he hasn’t felt since he met Akira. He feels like there’s a black hole inside of him, consuming any worth he has and leaving him with nothing but bitterness and a yearning for violence. He’s had enough.

“We could have been wonderful, Akira,” he says, voice breaking. “We could have torn the Heavens apart.” Ryo dashes for him and flips Akira upside down, readying himself for the final blow that’ll leave Akira as only a fraction of himself. It never comes. Rather, Ryo finds _himself_ hesitating, anxiety ridden with his palms pointed outward, and Akira sends him spiraling into the weary ice of the Arctic with a guttural holler. Ryo soars down, down, down, hurtling closer and closer to Earth until his back and wings are torn apart from jagged ice shards.

“You and I are _through_.” Those words hurt more than anything this damned war could have conjured up. Any traces of deceit Ryo could have wished for are nonexistent in Akira’s gaze. His chest heaves, thick wings ready to snap forward and finish the fight, and Ryo knows that this is it. There’s nothing he can do to change Akira’s mind.

Ryo fires. Perhaps it was a gut reaction, perhaps it was strategic. He doesn’t know. All Ryo knows is the immense fear pumping through his nerves, sending him on edge and jittery as he rises. Startlingly, he feels slow—much slower than usual—but still he heads toward Akira’s corpse, now reverted back to his human self.

He would have wanted it that way.

With his body retrieved, Ryo finds himself gravitating toward the hilltop that started this all. As he descends, he recalls the tears Akira shed for him. As he lies on the cliffside, he laments the kitten that Akira couldn’t save. As he presses a kiss to an unresponsive cheek, he craves the sunny days they shared tangled in the grass together.

Ryo weeps for Akira.

He shudders and hiccups and screams for the love he lost all on his own, and only then does he discover what God wanted him to feel. Ryo feels lost. He feels undoubtedly, wholeheartedly broken. Ryo wishes he could just pass this whole encounter off as some sort of defect, but he knows that He wanted Ryo to fully realize the contempt Akira holds toward him. It’s maddening.

When Ryo awakes with Akira’s hands tugging on his, he gnaws a hole through his lip.


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